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Hi everyone! This is my first time talking about this, so I feel a bit nervous. I am nineteen years old and I’ve come to the realisation that my mum is secretly an alcoholic, but she’s very dismissive about it. For context, she was a single mum (my mum and dad divorced when I was 1 and I have no contact with my dad) but she has had a stable partner for five years now. As a child, she would always prioritise me and make sure I was happy and well cared for. This includes sending me to school clubs, private tuition, buying me nice clothes, making good meals – even though money was definitely a struggle. However, as I got older I started noticing empty bottles of vodka and brandy hidden in our kitchen and her bedroom. It has started to concern me when I would see more than five bottles hiding (as she would never throw into in the rubbish and keep it hidden). Most of our family are quite conservative and don’t drink at family events and she would have a glass of wine or two. But recently, she got really drunk at an event I didn’t go to and my cousin (who is 15) had to help put her to bed. I knew something was up as my mum messaged me randomly and she kept typing incorrect words. It honestly felt quite embarrassing to ask my younger cousin whether my mum was drunk or not. Recently in the last few years, my mum and I would verbally fight very intensely – especially in the evenings – and at first I never questioned it, but her partner told me she was very drunk on a night we had a ve

Sorry, I’m new on here. That was meant for the forum in general. I hope I haven’t added to your woes!

How do I help my grown up child, and mother to my grandchildren, who has just found out their partner, and father to her children is using Cocaine and is in debt? This is all new to me and I need to support without doing anymore damage.

Still struggling and could really do with some support I posted over a week ago about my son and his cocaine addiction, but unfortunately nobody replied. I’m finding things incredibly difficult at the moment and could really do with hearing from other parents who have been through something similar. My son has lost his job and is currently staying elsewhere. I love him more than anything, but I reached the point where I couldn’t continue having him at home while he was sleeping all day and making no attempt to get help. I’m constantly worrying about where he is, whether he’s safe and what he’s doing, while at the same time feeling guilty for putting boundaries in place. How do other parents cope with the guilt, fear and heartbreak? How do you support your child without completely destroying yourself in the process? I feel incredibly alone at the moment and would really appreciate hearing from anyone who understands.

Hi my son is 24 and told me in July that he has a cocaine addiction. He has since lost his job. I’ve told him I can’t have him at home anymore until I start to see he is trying to help himself. I can’t bear to have him here just staying in bed all day sleeping off the effects. Am I wrong to tell him I don’t want him here? Feel very sad and alone 😢

Hi, I’ve never shared what me and my husband have gone through but I’d like to hear from others that have been in similar situations. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years, married for 4 years and we have three kids. Lived a pretty happy normal life until my husband was given the opportunity to work abroad as a self employed subcontractor. At the time I was wary, my husband has since I’ve known him done the odd binge on cocaine once or twice a year and so I knew this might be a challenge but it was good money and we had just bought a renovation home. I could see on the bank account that he was buying cocaine regularly throughout the first 6 months and I would have a conversation about it but he would always say yeah it’s ridiculous I’ll cut it out. Then came a longer stint of 5 weeks abroad, he was taking cocaine every day, he wasn’t acting himself and barely making work if at all, he admitted he had been smoking crack cocaine and I demanded he flew home or I’d be out there to drag him home. He barely made the flight home because he wanted to kill himself. Got him home, he withdrew for the next week with severe paranoia and tics/shaking to the point I thought he was going to have seizures. I asked him if he cheated on me (I’d seen unusual payments) he was adamant he did not but he couldn’t even look at me let alone touch or kiss me, I knew. He went to a therapist for cocaine addiction for 4 weeks and suddenly he believed he was cured. I tried to tell him he couldn’t work awa

Another day, another drama. I’m the parent and tried so hard to raise him alone. His dad made a new life with another wife and a new child and simply replaced him. I know it hurts but there’s some things mothers can’t fix. He smokes weed daily and said it’s for his back problem instead of trying to sort the problem. He gets angry, starts arguments for no reason and then it’s everyone else’s fault. He’s not addicted….he is. I shouted him……he’s been going on about things for ages getting angrier or nastier but now I’ve retaliated it’s my fault. Disqualified from driving……it’s the police fault. He punches a hole in the door…….I made him angry. I no longer give him money. I tell him he needs to pay, he says he has no money. I tell him he has to leave, he said he won’t it’s his home. I tell him to get help but he won’t. So we’re stuck in this cycle. I want to run away. Sell up and move somewhere but I’m stuck. I’m disappointed with us both but there’s no one to come grab him and fix him. If there was a man that would step up and hold him, show him all will be okay and he just has to turn his life round by getting help with the drugs but no one exists. And when I say it I’m nagging.

Incredibly difficult situation and no easy way forward. Trust is quickly broken yet takes time to repair. Are addiction services sering him on a regular basis?. How much will you risk losing if you end the relationship ?. Keep strong, look after yourself first and foremost. Remember there are good men out there even though they may be difficult to find….

That’s awful and riddled with issues you can’t resolve without professional help for him. Will he attend the doctors with you to discuss this ? (make a double appointment). We are not machines, things can change for the better or worse yet probably won’t. I don’t want to appear sexist yet the divorce and family court system is heavily rigged to support mothers at all costs. His documented issues will certainly go against him too. I say this to hopefully help you feel you and your son will be ok, you’ll probably keep the home, have residency of your son and receive Universal Credit if struggling financially. It could be so much worse for you as it is for me in my current situation facing the loss of my home and risking my relationship with my youngest and the only child of 3 not alienated from me. Keep your chin up at all costs, you and your son will be ok and support for mother’s is all around. If things head down the divorce route keep in contact with him but be VERY careful, hopefully your son will grow up knowing his father yet look after yourselves first and foremost.

Living together 13 years. Surviving in a rented bungalow on 50% pension 50% Universal credit. My youngest son lives with us 50% yet going to university soon. We have both been abused in one way or another in the past. Myself two past marriages, both cheated, both tried to clean me out and I almost ended up on the street. 2nd divorce very messy, family court disgusting and abusive. My 2 other children alienated from me. A decade in court and all ‘evidence’ against me proven false. Still children’s please to continue residing with me (primary carer) utterly ignored even though frightening ‘professional’ evidence of exes mental/psychological issues seen by all. I survived that, helped in part by meeting new partner D in the middle of it. She has also been abused in the past, had cigarettes put out on her as a baby, raped by a brother, last ex unfaithful. She smoked when we met. She knew I hated that and that I was concerned for her health so we took advice and she kicked the habit using Champix. Fast forward to mid last year. I caught her secret smoking, her reaction was awful and childish. Gaslighting and denial followed. We sorted it eventually and she quit again her behaviour damaged me as expected. Calmness resumed till 1st July this year. Caught her smoking again, she tried to deny it and eventually stated “I’m not going to quit smoking”. After a few days I managed a chat. She stated “it’s not you it’s me”, “it’s nothing to do with love”, “I can’t promise you anything”, “sh

Hi James, How are you? I hope you’re doing well. Thank you for taking the time out to share your story. Wishing you the absolute best. As for me I will share another time. Let us know you’re okay. Dee

Hi James, I can see this post hasn’t been active for a few years so my apologies firstly. I’ve been searching the internet for a while to find the answer to my questions but failing so when I saw your posts on this forum and just how see through and honest you’ve been, I thought it would be worth an ask. So my questions if you don’t mind me asking, did you ever take cocaine without the drink? If so, how different were the effects? What can I look out for at home with my partners physical behaviours when he’s telling me he isn’t doing it anymore? Obviously when he did both it was heavy drinking once he’d taken it, dilated pupils, chin breakdancing, wouldn’t shut up, repeating himself none stop, but I’m kind of worried now that he will take small amounts without the alcohol and I’m not sure if I’d know as I’ve not seen anyone on it without it. Would he seem different to the above? Does it have different effects? He knows its a none negotiable for me now I know he’s done it and was hiding it so I’m just worried he will start trying to hide it better. Thanks for your time Kelly