Scarleteen forum

I have vaginismus and pelvic floor dysfunction! So already my thoughts surrounding sex are frustration. I want to have sex, so it’s I think for me atleast trying to feel pleasure is my step into that door while I’m working on getting cured. I’m currently doing dilation at home. If you have any tips to quicken vaginismus treatment that would be much appreciated! I’ve also tried using a buffer and I barely feel anything from that. I’m kind of stuck between too much pleasure and not enough. Usually I use my toy when I’m horny or am doing my dilation.

Well, to start, early in the morning and late at night, their either at work or sleep, and I sleep upstairs, so it's doable. But, what I mean by strict is, they don't want you masturbating at all, I've been caught plenty of times, even though I was using my own time, door locked, tv on to cover up the noises, but they still don't accept that. So yea, I think late at night and/or early in the morning is a reasonable time. Thanks again!

I feel like the anxiety I feel around sex is kind of unique. Because, to me, it intersects with multiple different things: physical vulnerability, physical insecurity, emotional vulnerability, self worth and self esteem, and loneliness or a lack of it. I feel similar levels of anxiety about multiple other topics, but sex just connects multiple anxiety inducing things together at once, making it overwhelming. I honestly don’t know where a lot of the fear comes from. Sex negative ideas are definitely part of it, but I don’t know which ones specifically. I don’t know where they fit in with my fear. I don’t know where exactly my body image fits in with the fear. All I really know is that it causes me a lot of fear. Which is annoying, since testosterone hrt seems determined to make my body and my mind fight over sex and sexuality. Obviously, I don’t intend to actually do anything with anyone. If you can’t love yourself, you can’t be with someone. But if fear stops me from trying, I’ll just be stuck like this forever.

Hey! when i pressed on the page you suggested it stated that that page doesn’t exist or couldn’t be found which is a bummer!:( To answer your question if i feel like anything could be contributing to the stress, it’s that my period is still set to come around the 27th and i’m unable to fully rest (im at 80% now let’s say) until i see my period to completely relax, especially since i can’t get a pregnancy test given the circumstances i previously addressed, and although you’ve reassured me that im 100% not pregnant, i just need smth to see to eradicate that last 20% of overthinking and anxiety.

Thanks Latha!! All makes sense and appreciate your advice thoroughly with clarification

Hey, just a quick update. Having had a few days to think I'm happy with what I've worked out by myself for now. So don't worry about fitting a talk with me into anyone's schedule! I appreciate it being offered though

Hi LopezMonty, I know talking about these topics can be hard or uncomfortable, but I am glad that you have found comfort here in asking questions. Unfortunately I can not give you a simple answer to these questions. What I will say is that there are mental health professionals who are able to help you work through the anxieties you are describing, whether related to sex or other things in your life. Do you find that you feel similar levels of anxiety to sex/sexuality as you do with other parts of your life? Most often people feel so much shame around sex because of the social conditioning around sex and sexuality that we experience. Do you think any sex-negative ideas are impacting the worries you've described?

Hello. This might be a really stupid question. This might not even be a question at all, just a way to vent. And if I’m out of line, please tell me. At what point are you supposed to ask a professional about sex and gender stuff? For me specifically, when are you supposed to ask a professional about a fear of sex and sexuality? And who are you even supposed to ask for help? A sexual health doctor? A psychological/mental health doctor? This is (sex) a really embarrassing topic for me. It takes working up courage even to ask on an anonymous forum like this one. But I don’t think my fear of sex and my own feelings about it are healthy. But I don’t know how to make the fear go away, either. I mean, even thinking about myself having sex, even with a person I would like, makes my hands shake and my heart beat fast and my mind race. That’s not normal, is it? Thinking about yourself having sex shouldn’t make your body shake all over, should it? This topic shouldn’t make you worry about violence or dehumanization or people being disgusted with your body because of things you can’t control. But if I need professional help, which professional would even be able to help?

Hello. This might be a really stupid question. This might not even be a question at all, just a way to vent. And if I’m out of line, please tell me. At what point are you supposed to ask a professional about sex and gender stuff? For me specifically, when are you supposed to ask a professional about a fear of sex and sexuality? And who are you even supposed to ask for help? A sexual health doctor? A psychological/mental health doctor? This is (sex) a really embarrassing topic for me. It takes working up courage even to ask on an anonymous forum like this one. But I don’t think my fear of sex and my own feelings about it are healthy. But I don’t know how to make the fear go away, either. I mean, even thinking about myself having sex, even with a person I would like, makes my hands shake and my heart beat fast and my mind race. That’s not normal, is it? Thinking about yourself having sex shouldn’t make your body shake all over, should it? This topic shouldn’t make you worry about violence or dehumanization or people being disgusted with your body because of things you can’t control. But if I need professional help, which professional would even be able to help?

hey repressedmouse, I'm really glad that Anya and our and articles were of help to you. And you aren't alone in creating a dynamic where masturbation is some sort of self-test or challenge-- I do see this with many folks who come here with similar concerns. It sounds like reducing some of the pressure and anxiety created a more pleasurable experience. And not feeling like complete utter absolute magic is totally normal, especially when you are learning what feels good and learning how to relax into a new experience. You're absolutely right that it's valid and I'm really glad you are feeling like it is tension relieving and feeling good! That's a great outcome!

Hey Booper. I'm glad to hear that you and your girlfriend have been able to communicate smoothly. As you mentioned, there's a widespread expectation for cisgender men that penis size and masculinity go hand-in-hand; the larger someone's penis is, the "manlier" he is. Never mind that 1) masculinity isn't defined by one specific thing and 2) sexual pleasure can still be achieved however our bodies look like. Have you taken a look at this particular piece on penis sizes, and let us know what you think? Shown Actual Size: A Penis Shape & Size Lowdown . Perhaps it can ease your mind and inform your decision in adding/not adding this fantasy into your relationship.

Hi there, Kyunghop! Sometimes learning about our sexuality can involve surprises like that. Congratulations on knowing more about yourself <3 If you are looking to find women who might want to have sex with you, your best bet might be to use dating apps that allow you to share that you are interested in women or to go to spaces where bisexual/lesbian women gather--look into queer/LGBTQ+ meetups or nightlife where you live. If someone asks about your orientation in these spaces and you are not sure, you can say that you are questioning, or (when appropriate) that you know you are interested in having sex with women. (Here is our article on questioning as an identity, if you'd like to read more about that: Q is for Questioning ) Safer sex practices are always important--sometimes people talk like women who have sex with women don't have to think about STIs, but that is not the case. Here is our resource for that: Safe, Sound & Sexy: A Safer Sex How-To And here is a piece by someone describing her experiences having safer sex with other women: Figuring Out How to be a Lesbian Safer Sexpert I think it comes from her experience and understanding better about women so knew how to treat and care with respect. Your observation that you felt more understood while having sex with this person is one a lot of women share when they start having sex with other women. But I will say that there are men out there who do understand women and know how to treat their partners with respect. Equal