Fórum Scarleteen

I was on a call last night and I realized that hey I don't feel entirely male and I was thinking and I realized that I use any pronouns I kinda just wanted to share idk but it feels really good and now I can never be misgendered its impossible It is a bit off topic I just want people to know Idk why but yeah

Thank you for the response I appreciate the advice Depending on what i use it either feels like nothing or is overstimulating never really in the middle Oh and about my parents they are very religious and conservative and I feel like even if they dont catch me the sound of a vibrator without something masking would make me to anxious as well as the thought of them finding it

Hi! thank you for the reply. I agree that maybe it’s not the safest way for people to interact with minors, I mean I wouldn’t even with someone a few years younger but like that’s just me. It’s not that she doesn’t acknowledge the sensitivity of the subjects, she tells me I can always say stop if it’s uncomfortable and I say the same to her ^^ and while I’m a big fan, I’m unsure if it’s really a power imbalance.. sorry if I sound stupid, I don’t know much about these things. I’ve made fanworks for her and the fandom we are in together and she says she really likes my work, too- isnt that kinda the same? for the love part you’re probably right.. I’m autistic & struggle with differentiating between my emotions normally, so when I get these moments of obsession or crushes it’s hard to tell it apart. Limerence is a good word for it, thank you for that! I’m sorry if I implied anything bad with you guys reading between the lines, I’m just terrified at the idea that I’m painting her out to be a bad person when she’s nothing but kind and supportive. And to the last part, we have- we often confide in each other about past and present stuff and have helped one another through breakdowns, she’s really kind and always listens, I try to be the same for her. I’m glad she considers me a friend, even if a small part of me wants more. Sorry if I’m not making sense I’m just kinda rambling. Thank you so much for the reply again

I so get it, I really do. I haven't been in a spot like this with a housemate, but I have been with people like co-workers or people I've been doing activist work/community care with. It can be really hard -- for real, even though people make light of it -- sometimes to separate what your loins and the fun parts of you want from what might not actually be so great for the rest of you or even those parts. After all, if we're not a good emotional fit with someone, or our values are at odds, it can often be hard to even land on ways of being sexual together we'll actually enjoy. Too, some flirtations can only be good as flirtations. I can also see what you mean, though, about the ways and places you do or might connect. I think feeling this out more by talking more about the conflict you had is a really good idea, and I suspect that conversation will give you good food for thought and some more vibes to consider all by itself. I also think taking a positive risk by sharing more sounds like a good way to go, especially since, as you say, you do actually want to. Is there any help you want or need when it comes to that conversation?

Hey there, Questionare. I think your honesty with yourself and how you're feeling is really admirable and important. I also really appreciate that you're here asking how to be honest about this with her in a kind and caring way. I just wrote and published a series meant for people with partners who don't want to be sexual with them or n o longer want to be sexual with them. That sounds a little bit like you, in the other position. I think, though, that that series might still be really useful to you, particularly this last section of it: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/relatio ... was-sexual What do you say you take a look at that, then circle back here and share your sense of what you'd like to do from here when it comes to this relationship? There's talk in that link of splitting altogether, or of changing the nature of the relationship, which feels like the two things you'll probably need to choose from here, or decide on together with your current girlfriend.

Hey there, lostbunny. The thing is, there is always a power imbalance between people who are legal minors and people who are legal adults, because legal adults have agency and rights that legal minors just don't. And, ideally, legal adults, even people relatively new to being legal adults, like people in their early 20s, keep an awareness of that in mind when interacting with minors. Maybe think about it this way: writing smut together is a way of being sexual together, even though it's not physical sex. Can you think about other ways of being sexual together -- like say having physical sex or sexting -- and why it can be an issue for someone to be engaging sexually with a person who doesn't have the same rights and agency they have, especially without acknowledging that power imbalance? Too, being someone's fan and connecting to them kind of has you set up to come into those interactions fawning over that person. You being a fan and them being someone you are a fan of is also a power imbalance. As someone else who also is very visible and has people reach out to them as fans, I know I always have to be very mindful to keep a certain space and very clear boundaries, because I know there's a power imbalance there, and that that kind of setup is a little one-sided no matter what (unless, say, we turn out to be mutual fans of each other's work as peers). Sure, I could just soak up all the adoration and such a fan is giving me, and keep engaging to keep that going, but that would

Hi, before i start, I want to apologize for not replying on my last post, something came up, but my journey is going well so far. Okay, so me and my girlfriend have been together for about 6 months and since she is my first partner, I have been exploring this side of life for the first time. Now about a month ago, I noticed that she changed in personality and I took it quite well but ever since the school year started, the relationship been going down hill. Now I find myself at a point where I realized, that I am just not ready for a relationship and I can not at this point in time maintain one. I wanted to talk about it with her, but when its a good time since I do not want to end the relationship the screaming I hate you and dont want to ever see you again way. I simply want to peacfully part ways. BUT there is a slight problem. Since she changed, she has been getting way more like pull us into the relationship more so she is at the peak of the honeymoon butterflies phase and my birthday is coming up and she is talking to me how its gonna be great, how shes got it all planed out and so on, so right now I cant talk about it because I dont want to break her heart right around this time. Now I find myself in a position where I am kept pulled into the relationship more and more and the exit time is fading. And on top of it I have no idea how you talk about any of it. So if you can, I'd be very happy with any advice there is. Thanks.

thank you for the reply! I fully understand how it comes across, but she’s never been weird towards me at all. Im also a victim of past abuse stuff (and I’m so sorry you went through this as well), I think it might just sound worse explaining than it really is. I don’t think there’s any power balance really, the only thing I could see about it is that I’m a really big fan of her writing and have been for a while, which is why we connected.. but she’s always very kind and respectful, never made advances of any sort- I’m the one who’s having weird thoughts about her. I guess I’m just confused on how to tell love and obsession apart since I’m unsure if I’ve ever felt romantic attraction before.. sorry to make this into a big deal, your replies have been so kind and helpful.

Hi powerbop1999999, searching for jobs really is not something we are able to help you here with as we are a sex and relationships education organisation only. I myself am not from the US so I can’t give specific recommendations, but there might be some municipal/regional employment portals and other services where they should be able to help you with finding a job that fits you needs. Often you can find work directly through your college too, so that might be worth checking as well.

Hey, I hate entry-level jobs but I only have a high school diploma and i’m in college I want to know if there are alternate jobs with free training in the columbus OH area because i’m 18M but mom would get upset if I did SW so I would have to live somewhere else

Hi lostbunny, I’m glad Kier’s answer was helpful. I will be honest with you, what you are describing doesn’t sound like a relationship that is good for either of you, and like one that it likely to turn even crummier with time. One of the reasons behind that is that she is clearly not a right person to have this kind of relationship to begin with, creating sexual media with a minor as an adult suggests that adult is not caring about there being healthy boundaries with that minor. The age and therefore power difference between you is real and while her talking about this with you might feel validating and like she is seeing you as her equal, it really rather is about a lack of boundaries, responsibility for her actions and care for you. The way you feel about her also tells me this is not a healthy relationship and not in a way that you can change or that can be changed at all, period. I want to ask you to give this article a read, even if you don’t consider what is happening grooming: What Is Grooming, Really? And once you do so, feel free to share any thoughts that might come from reading it. Hearing all this might be a lot, and I am sorry if it’s so, but I want to be honest with you because I myself had a relationship similar in several ways to this one, and it took me a few years and a lot of hurt to realise how bad for myself it was. And I really want to spare you that time and pain. It might be your first time experiencing such intense relationship and connection and may

Thanks for the welcome back, Heather. For me on a personal level, the last years have been full of positive developments in terms of independence, self-understanding and healing. I understand what you're saying, even if a part of me doesn't want to hear it. Thinking straight is difficult when flooded with giddy feelings, so I'm grateful to have a place like this for reflection. You're right that ignoring the friction is not a good idea... but I'm not fully ready to let this potential go just yet. Even just for the sake of our friendship it's good to talk in more depth about the fight we had than the initial "talking it out" that we did, I reckon. We're both autistic and conflict resolution isn't mine or his strongest suit. As for safety: I know gut feelings are important in matters like this and he does not feel unsafe. I felt that way from the start, before the crush feelings could've gotten in the way. In fact even during our conflict this wasn't an issue, I was just angry about the opinion he expressed. It's a fact that I reacted disproportionally - that's what being triggered is, after all. The opinion in question being "not immediate and full agreement with my own stance". The more I think about it while not in a triggered state, the more I wonder if I understand his stance at all and if it's as problematic as I thought. But I believe I already said that in the original post. What I'm thinking is that I'll ask to talk about the topic of the friction. During our initial t